Bye Bye Bye (2015)

                2015 was like eating a bag of mystery flavored Skittles: I never quite knew what was going to happen next.

                An enigma, a paradox, 2015 was full of many moments both wonderful and challenging.

                It was a year of connection, a year of growth.

                The first few months passed in a flurry as I finished up grad school and my student teaching. I had the opportunity to complete one of the most meaningful projects of my educational experience that examined equity in the education system for CLD (Culturally and Linguistically Diverse) students. During my student teaching, I had the chance to learn from some amazing teachers not just about education, but also about life.

                Two particular conversations are etched in my mind. The first one occurred when I was asking a teacher how he would handle a situation that had just occurred in the classroom. His immediate response was, “The first thing I always remind myself when talking with students is to preserve dignity.”

                In a world where people are so often ridiculed, so often torn down or made to question to value, preserving dignity is crucial. How would our interactions with people change if we kept the thought of “preserving dignity” at the forefront?

                The other conversation occurred with one of my cooperating teachers after an observation of mine that I hadn’t felt had gone so well (the thoughts ‘I’ll never figure out this teaching thing’ may have been currently pounding around in my head). “If you never make mistakes,” she said, “you’ll never grow.”

                The fear of making mistakes constantly looms in front of me, menacing and fierce. Thoughts of not being enough or letting people down are a factor as unwavering as the consistency of holiday fruitcake. However, in that moment, I was given permission to make mistakes. Nearly a year later, that conversation comes to mind at least once a week.

                Throughout the rest of the year, many changes occurred. After two-and-a-half months of job searching and interviewing, I was hired to teach third grade. My first nephew was born, I volunteered at a camp for foster children, I moved out into my own apartment, and I also fed a sloth.

                Starting my first year of teaching has been challenging. I adore my class, and I am passionate about all things education (this is something you become painfully aware of if you hang out with me). “Your first year of teaching will be hard,” I was told over and over again. I entered my classroom blissfully naïve. I tucked that warning into my back pocket, knowing that it would be difficult, but still ready to tackle the world of multiplication, paragraph writing, and (eek!) crayfish.

                I have an amazing support team around me from my co-workers to my teacher friends from my grad school program. However, I didn’t realize how often I would feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. I had no idea that the worries about not being an effective enough teacher would be so ready to pop up at a moment’s notice. I thought that keeping an organized desk would be a piece of gluten-free vegan cake (fun fact: It’s not).

                Although transitions and changes both personally and professionally were plentiful, they were also opportunities for growth. It sounds cliché to say, but I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of 2015. Change is hard, uncomfortable and messy. It sometimes requires brokenness in order to be put back together. It asks us to stretch to the end of our comfort zone and extend into the great unknown where uncertainties and fears often seem daunting. However, when I’ve been pushed beyond the stagnant, growth has occurred.

Another key part of my year was that I met a lot of people. I am so thankful for every person I have met. I don’t regret meeting any of them because I have learned something so unique and powerful from every one of them. At the core of the human heart is the desire for connection. Without connections, without meaning, we are living life in muted colors, shadows of our full potential. The opportunity to connect with people this year has caused me to realize how little I truly know and how much I still have to learn from those around me. I frequently witness the beauty of kindness from those around, the beauty of the human soul. I learned about compassion, about justice, about friendship. This learning and connection will continue to extend into 2016.

Here’s to another year of adventure ahead!